Christian Parenting Without Yelling
How to Respond with Grace Instead of Reacting in Frustration
Every so often, I answer a question from a parent—a Christian mom like you—who is right in the thick of parenting. Maybe you’re feeling exhausted, frustrated, or struggling to practice Christian parenting without yelling when emotions run high. If you’ve ever lost your patience and then felt guilty afterward, you’re not alone. My prayer is that these messages bring you hope and clarity as you seek to parent with grace, patience, and faith.
If you ever have specific parenting questions or challenges on your heart, please feel free to submit them here. I’d love to tackle them in an upcoming newsletter or blog post, so we can walk this journey together.
In case you missed any of our recent topics, here’s a quick recap:
- What can I do to build a stronger connection with my child, especially when we seem disconnected?
- What Are Effective Strategies for Parenting a Strong-Willed Child?
- Struggling with an Angry Child? You’re Not Alone.
Now, let’s dive into this week’s question:
Question: How Can I Parent Differently When I’ve Yelled and Feel Guilty?
“I have yelled at my 3-year-old, and I’m trying to break generational patterns. I feel guilty when I lose it, and I worry that I’m going to mess her up. I want to be a better mom and stop reacting in anger, but I don’t always know how.”
Answer:
First, let me say this: You are not alone. I hear your heart in this, and I want to reassure you—your desire to change means you are already on a different path than the one before you.
Many of us weren’t raised in homes where emotions were handled with gentleness. Maybe yelling was just “how things were done,” and now you find yourself reacting in ways you swore you wouldn’t. But here’s the truth: Christian parenting without yelling is possible. You are not your past, and your child is not doomed to repeat it. By becoming aware of your reactions and choosing a different approach, you can break the cycle and parent with more patience and grace.
A Story of Grace
Let me share a story with you before we dive into the answer. The other night, we were singing our nightly worship song—a peaceful, quiet moment, their sweet voices filling the room. I was stretched out on the floor, still recovering from being sick, just wanting to soak in this moment with the Lord.
But my six-year-old? He was not in a peaceful moment. He kept getting up, playing, wandering out of the room. I reminded him—gently at first—to come back. Then I reminded him again. And again.
By the third reminder, my patience was wearing thin. And just when I was holding on by a thread, he plopped himself right on top of me.
That was it. I snapped.
I paused the music and let out a frustrated, “I am trying to worship, and you are distracting me!”
Not my best moment.
Guilt immediately followed. I finished the song, but my heart was heavy. I had wanted this to be a moment of worship. Instead, I had let my frustration take over.
I knew I needed to make things right. So after the song, I took a deep breath, gave him a hug, and told him, “I’m sorry for speaking harshly and raising my voice. I was feeling frustrated, but I should have handled it differently. Will you forgive me?”
The next day, I came across this quote from @The_Therapist_Parent that stopped me in my tracks:
Oof. That hit hard.
At first glance, this quote is about respect. But as I sat with it, I realized it was really about something deeper: taking responsibility for my own reactions and responses.
I realized that my child wasn’t responsible for my reaction. I was.
Yes, kids will push our buttons. Yes, parenting is exhausting. And yes, we will have moments where we mess up.
But at the end of the day, we are the adults. And that means we have the power to pause, reflect, and choose a different way forward.
That’s when I started using the ARC method to catch myself before frustration takes over. If you’re striving for Christian parenting without yelling, the ARC method is a simple way to shift your response when emotions run high. It helps you pause, reflect, and choose a different way forward instead of reacting in frustration.
The ARC Method: A Simple Way to Shift Your Response
When emotions run high, try using my ARC method to help you respond differently:
✅ A – Awareness: Pause. That’s it. You don’t have to fix anything yet. Just pause long enough to notice something is happening inside you.
- Maybe you feel your jaw clench but aren’t sure why.
- Maybe your heart starts racing.
- Maybe you suddenly feel tense.
You don’t have to have answers yet. You are simply recognizing that something is happening.
✅ R – Reflect: Take notice of what you are thinking and feeling. Ask yourself, What am I feeling? What is happening? This is where you take notice:
– What emotion am I experiencing? (Frustration? Overwhelm? Disappointment?)
– What am I thinking? (Do I feel ignored? Disrespected? Like I’m failing?)
– What are the facts of this situation? (Just the facts, what happened?)
– What is the story I’m telling myself? And most importantly—Is that story true?
Sometimes, we realize we’ve been telling ourselves a false story:
🚩 “My child never listens to me.” (Is that true? Or is it that they struggle with listening sometimes?)
🚩 “I’m failing as a mom.” (Is that true? Or did I just have a hard moment?)
Other times, we realize the story is true: Yes, I feel overwhelmed. Yes, my child is pushing limits. Yes, this is hard. If so, we ask: What does this mean for me? What options do I have moving forward?
✅ C – Choose: Now that I see what’s happening, I can choose a different response. Instead of reacting out of frustration, I can plan ahead.
Come up with at least six options for yourself in stressful moments. Some ideas:
✔️ Walk away for a moment.
✔️ Take a deep breath (or five).
✔️ Go to a calm spot (bathroom, anyone?).
✔️ Say a short prayer (“Lord, help me respond with wisdom.”).
✔️ Talk to God out loud (“God, I need help here.”).
✔️ Call a friend.
✔️ Write down what you’re feeling.
✔️ Say out loud: “I notice I’m feeling frustrated when you’re not listening.”
That moment with my son reminded me that I don’t have to do this in my own strength.
Every single day, I can lean on God’s wisdom to show up differently. I don’t have to rely on my own strength to parent well. Christian parenting without yelling isn’t about never making mistakes—it’s about seeking God’s grace in those hard moments and allowing Him to shape how we respond to our children.
A Word of Encouragement
Mama, you are not your past. Just because you may have been raised in a home where yelling was the norm doesn’t mean you’re doomed to repeat it. Christian parenting without yelling is about progress, not perfection. The fact that you are aware and want to do things differently is already evidence that God is transforming your heart.
Remember what Lamentations 3:22-23 says:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
Every day is a fresh start. God’s mercies are new for you, and for your child. You are not failing. You are growing. Keep going.
If This Resonates with You, it’s Time for Implementation:
- Download the ARC Worksheet: Start practicing the ARC method by using this free worksheet. It will help you pause, reflect, and choose a different response when emotions rise. Download it here
- Stay Tuned for More Support: I’ll be sharing more about my upcoming Raising Disciples Bootcamp soon! It’s designed to give you practical tools so you don’t have to repeat yourself a hundred times. Keep an eye on your inbox for details!
- Explore Parent Coaching (Free 30-Min Consultation): If you’re struggling with breaking old patterns and want personalized guidance, I’d love to support you through 1:1 coaching. Let’s talk through your biggest challenges and create a plan that works for your family. Fill out the coaching inquiry form here.
You are not alone in this, and you’re doing beautiful, important work.
Blessings,
Kristin
P.S. If you found this helpful and know another mom who could use this encouragement, share the love and forward this email to her! 💛
