Christian Parenting Without Spanking: Is Spanking Biblically Supported?
Christian Parenting Without Spanking: My Story
Alright, the age-old controversial question. Let me start off by saying that my mom didn’t spank us growing up. She taught with kindness and firmness, love and respect. I have always had a great relationship with my mom, one filled with unconditional love, a godly example, and mutual respect. As I became a parent, I continued with the example she set before me—teaching and guiding my kids by being firm and kind. Yes meant yes, and no meant no. Treating my children the way I would want to be treated as a child, with lots of love and respect.
People often commented on how well-behaved our kids were and how they listened well. I felt very blessed with good kids, and I believe discipline is all about teaching our children. The root word “disciple” means to teach. As I became more immersed in the church, I started to hear messages about spanking your child. I first heard this at a family camp vacation. Odd, I thought, to teach parents how to spank their child. Then, I would hear comments from other Christian moms, “Make it hurt or it won’t make a difference.” Yikes, sounded pretty harsh to me. Another comment from a counselor was her disapproving tone when she found out I didn’t spank my children.
I ignored most of these comments because I didn’t need to spank my kids. They listened and obeyed using tools like consequences or time-outs. I did have a couple of determined children, but it wasn’t until my fifth little guy that I really became at a loss for what to do with him. He was very determined, very energetic, and had big emotions—all the time, the good, bad, and ugly. We did resort to spanking at times because it just felt like nothing else was working. Plus, hearing all those messages about Christian parenting including spanking finally got to me. I started to believe that was the truth and what I should be doing as a Christian parent.
Christian Parenting Without Spanking: Seeking the Truth
But hearing all those mixed messages got confusing, and recently I received a criticism about my Bootcamp not being biblical because it didn’t teach spanking. So that got me researching for answers. I don’t pretend to know it all. I am a limited person with limited knowledge and understanding. Only God knows it all. But I do want to be constantly growing and challenging myself, so I am thankful for this person’s critique because it got me searching.
What did I actually believe when it came to spanking and parenting? What does the Bible say, and what are the different interpretations out there? So that’s what I’ve done for you today—share the research that I’ve done, the answers that I found, and the conclusion I came to.
You will have your own belief, interpretation, and conclusion that you come to, and I totally respect that. And if you’re interested in learning more like I was, read on:
Christian Parenting Without Spanking: What I Discovered
First off, one of the difficult things about teaching from the Bible is that there are so many interpretations. You may believe one thing about parenting because you were taught it one way, and then at another church or by another pastor or teacher, they will have a different interpretation. The Bible uses metaphors, analogies, parables, wisdom, poetry, songs—just to name a few—as ways to teach and speak to us. So it’s difficult when it comes to things like parenting because not everything in the Bible is literal. Many things come down to interpretation.
So what are some of the most common interpretations of spanking? These were the common ones I found:
Often when Christian parents talk about spanking in the Bible, they refer to Proverbs 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.”
So, let’s break down what the “rod” means because it’s interpreted differently depending on who you ask.
Christian Parenting Without Spanking: What are the Different Interpretations of the “Rod?”
- Physical Rod: Some commentary shows the rod as a physical rod used to beat.
- Shepherd’s Staff: Others say the rod represents a shepherd’s staff used to guide the sheep and keep them on the right path.
- Metaphor for Discipline: Another interpretation is that the rod is a metaphor for discipline in general—don’t spare discipline.
For me, and what seems consistent with God’s loving character, the last two interpretations make sense. It is loving to discipline our children, and there are many ways we can do that—not just limited to spanking. In fact, I teach Christian parents so many positive and encouraging tools that build our children up and point them toward godly character.
It also makes sense to me that the rod would represent a shepherd’s staff and be used as a way to teach and guide our children. just as a shepherd guides his sheep back on the right path, this seems in line with God’s loving and holy character as well.
Christian Parenting Without Spanking: A Fourth Interpretation
Lastly, for the pro-spankers, it’s interesting to note that they have added their own rules for spanking appropriately in today’s modern day. Pro-spankers would say things like, “Two swats, done in self-control not in anger, up to a certain age, done with the hand so you know the pain being applied.” While this sounds good, it’s interesting to note a final interpretation that I found from a book called “Corporal Punishment in the Bible: A Redemptive-Movement Hermeneutic for Troubling Texts,” by William J. Webb.
Webb studies hermeneutics (the art and science of interpretation) and he concludes that just as there are topics in the Bible (such as slavery and polygamy) that doesn’t mean that God was using that for people to live out, but He did speak to the culture of that time. He argues that corporal punishment is one of those topics.
Because he argues that if we actually did follow corporal punishment literally as taught in Biblical times that would mean harsh beatings, appropriate for any age – including teens (who by the way could also be stoned for disobedience) and even wives got spanked. His argument is very compelling and one I would love to dive more into.
Webb uses a redemptive-movement hermeneutic approach, which looks at how biblical teachings evolve over time and how we should apply them today.
Key Concepts from Webb’s Book:
- Redemptive-Movement Hermeneutic: Webb argues the Bible’s ethical standards evolve from the ancient cultural norms of its time towards higher ideals. So, when we read it, we should see how the Bible moves towards more compassionate and humane principles.
- Cultural Context: He also highlights that we need to consider the cultural context in which the Bible was written. For example, practices like corporal punishment were common back then, but that doesn’t mean they should be applied the same way today.
- Ethical Trajectory: Webb traces how certain practices in the Bible become more humane over time. Take the treatment of slaves and women, for instance. In the Old Testament, it starts out one way, but by the New Testament, there’s a noticeable shift towards more equality and compassion.
- Application to Corporal Punishment: Regarding corporal punishment, Webb points out that while the Bible mentions and regulates physical discipline, the overall direction of Scripture moves towards less violent and more compassionate discipline methods. He suggests that modern readers should follow this trajectory and consider more constructive and non-violent ways to raise children.
- Interpretation and Modern Application: Webb challenges the idea that all biblical instructions should be applied directly to our lives today without considering their broader redemptive movement. He encourages us to focus more on the spirit and direction of biblical ethics rather than sticking rigidly to ancient practices.
Christian Parenting Without Spanking: Conclusion
In addition to the biblical interpretations, there is tons of research on spanking. It has been found that the side effects of spanking include increased aggression, antisocial behavior, physical injury, and mental health issues. On the other hand, using firm, kind, and consistent parenting teaches self-discipline, emotional regulation, and positive social behavior.
I realized that there are so many positive and encouraging parenting tools that do work, spanking is unnecessary. I side with the interpretation that the rod was meant as a metaphor for discipline, and spanking was speaking to the culture of that time. Now, these are just the interpretations that I found, and this is not an exclusive list. I’m aware that there are arguments for both sides.
You may totally disagree with me, and that’s fine. I respect any differences we have about this, and we can agree to disagree. However, if you believe that spanking is required to be a Christian parent, this might not be the right place for you. I don’t teach spanking, so I would encourage you to opt out of my list below.
However, if you’re looking for loving, encouraging and positive tools to teach and guide your child with consistency, firmness, and kindness, then this is the place for you! Let’s be moms who reflect Christ’s love to our children, focus on building relationships, connection and pointing our children towards a loving God.
If this resonated with you, it’s time for implementation and growth
Step one: Do you own research and find out what you believe. Write it down.
Step two: Decide if this is the place for you to learn and grow in parenting. Grab my free Raising Disciples Cheat Sheet to learn more.
Step three: Share your thoughts with me on IG – please be respectful and kind.
