Navigating Emotional Meltdowns: Christian Parenting Tips

Hello friends! Every few weeks, I answer a parenting question on my blog. In this post, I am doing things a little differently and answering a question I found on reddit. If this question can help you or a loved one, I encourage you to read this blog post and share it. Also, if you want to ask your own parenting question, please submit it here.

Today’s Question:

Today’s question comes from Liisas on reddit.com. She asks – Does anyone else have issues with dealing with a very emotional child? I feel exhausted and drained with seemingly endless emotional meltdowns. I also feel like I’m failing at helping her cope. I guess I also just need to vent.

I have a 5 yo girl who has always been extremely emotional. She has meltdowns almost daily. These are usually not conflict situations or fights but more like bursts of negative emotions that she cannot control. She finds it hard to deal with disappointments or gets angry when she feels she cannot do something or is not ”the best” at something. Sometimes sentimental stories in kids media can trigger her to the point of a meltdown.

Reasons in the last couple of days include:

• she got to be Saint Lucia at daycare’s Christmas party. The party is now over and she ”can never be Lucia again”
• we listened to a kids song with touching lyrics
• we played a memory game and I got 3 pairs compared to her 1
• a drawing she was trying to make didn’t work out the way she wanted

Naturally I try to comfort her and help her cope any way I can. I told her she’ll always be our St. Lucia and made her a Lucia crown of her own; I reminded that the song actually ends on a positive note; I told her that playing the game together and having fun is more important than winning; I told her I love her drawing, and I can help her fix it if she wants. Plus hugs & kisses.

But in all of these cases my efforts to comfort her failed to soothe her and more like make her more upset. I feel like even if I try my best, she’s unconsolable and I just make it worse. She has a better connection with her father in these situations and I often ask for his help. Sometimes when we’re alone I feel like she simply blocks my attempts to support her. Sometimes I get irritated myself simply for the frustration. In any case, I feel like poor mum who can’t help her kid.

Dealing with these events all the time is really draining for me. I feel like I try my best to no avail and get exhausted. I walk on eggshells around her, avoid telling bad news or doing activities that might trigger her: playing games, crafting together – even teaching her to ride a bicycle was delayed because the constant tantrums were just too much. To not exhaust myself entirely I’ve also tried to emotionally distance myself from some of these ”crisis” and to take a more neutral approach – basically ignoring them or dealing with them with less fuss. I hate that strategy though because I don’t want to send a message that I don’t care about her feelings.

One of the reason these situations are so draining is that I see so much of myself in her. I was an emotional child too, to the point where watching Dumbo was a meltdown waiting to happen. I still cry to ”Baby Of Mine”. Like me, she tends to be something of a perfectionist – I know that takes a lifetime to learn to cope with.

How do you deal with these hurricanes of emotion? Why do I suck so bad with this thing? Is there anything I can do to get better at it? Thanks for reading.

Answer

I hear and see that you are dealing with an emotional and sensitive child. I empathize with you and know it can be exhausting and frustrating to deal with frequent emotional meltdowns. It’s important to remember that many parents experience similar struggles and you are not alone in this.

Here are some tips that may help:

1. Empathetic Listening: When your daughter has a meltdown, try to actively listen to her feelings. Let her express herself without immediately jumping in with solutions. Sometimes, children just need to feel heard and understood.
2. Emotional Teaching: Teach your daughter about emotions and coping strategies. Help her identify her feelings and discuss ways to manage them. This can empower her to handle her emotions more effectively over time.
3. Stay Calm: It’s essential to remain calm during her meltdowns. Your own emotional state can affect how she reacts. Take deep breaths and stay patient.
4. Offer Choices: Give her some control by offering choices when possible. This can help her feel more empowered and reduce the chances of meltdowns.
5. Prevent Triggers: While it’s not possible to prevent all triggers, you can be mindful of activities or situations that tend to lead to meltdowns and either approach them differently or prepare her in advance.
6. Distraction and Transition: When you sense a meltdown approaching, try to distract her with a different activity or gently transition to a new task. Sometimes a change of focus can help her calm down.
7. Model Emotional Regulation: Children learn a lot by observing their parents. Show her how you cope with your own emotions in healthy ways. This can serve as a positive example for her.
8. Patience and Time: Remember that emotional development takes time. It’s normal for young children to struggle with their emotions. Keep offering your support and understanding, even if you don’t see immediate results.
9. Involve Her in Solutions: As she gets older, involve her in finding solutions to her own emotional challenges. This can help her build a sense of agency and develop problem-solving skills.
10. Seek Professional Help: If her emotional struggles persist and significantly impact her daily life, consider seeking guidance from a child psychologist or therapist. A professional can provide tailored strategies and support.

It’s important to remember that parenting is a journey, and it’s okay to feel challenged or unsure at times. You’re already being intentional to understand and support your daughter, and that’s a significant step. You’re doing your best, and with time and patience, both you and your daughter will find ways to manage these emotional hurricanes more effectively.

For more help with this topic, I will be hosting an upcoming workshop “Raising Emotionally Healthy Children” from a biblical and positive discipline perspective. We will be diving deeper in to practical strategies and techniques that empower you and your child to navigate emotions, build resilience and foster a strong emotional foundation. More details to be coming soon! If you are interested in joining the workshop, please sign up for the waitlist here.