How to Help a Sensitive Child

A couple of weeks ago, my daughter got super frustrated about something and was crying uncontrollably about the situation. I was soo close to walking away from her, but went toward her instead, and just hugged her.

When she was telling me what she was upset about and what she did, I started to correct what she had done, because it was something I was not ok with.

But very quickly, I could see that was a mistake, at least in that moment. So I stopped talking, and just listened. After she calmed down a bit, we talked about being kind to herself, instead of so hard on herself – a major root of her frustration.

Then I got her input. What would help her feel better? Or was there anything I could do to help her feel better? She couldn’t think of anything, so I racked my brain on what might help and thought that some quality time with mom might be just the thing she needed.

She lit up at that idea and we made cookies together. We ended up talking about journaling and how that’s helped me in understanding my emotions. I asked if she would want to try it? She did and found a cute notebook and started writing. And it really helped her. That night she gave me a BIG hug.

Here are a few things to remember when dealing with your sensitive child:

• It is hard for kids to regulate their emotions. Think about yourself for a moment. Do you always react with the “right” response when you’re emotional? No way! So why do we expect our kids to?
• When your child is emotional, remember that they are having a hard time, not trying to give you a hard time. Once you realize this, it is easier to be empathetic and try to see things from their point of view.
• See the good in your sensitive child – sensitive children experience a range of big emotions, but they also tend to be more compassionate, kind and can empathize with others’ hurts and pains.

Below are 6 steps you can take to help your sensitive and/or emotional child:

1. Take a deep breath – say a quick prayer and ask the Holy Spirit to help you.
2. Listen, hug, empathize and validate – don’t tell them how they should feel or correct them at that moment. When children feel heard and understood they calm down and will less likely put on a show to try and make you understand.
3. Ask for their input – Once they do calm down, ask if there is anything they can do to help the situation or anything you can help with. If they can’t think of anything, help them brainstorm a few ideas.
4. Offer to pray for them, read a comforting or encouraging bible verse.
5. Try quality time – sometimes TLC with a parent is just what is needed.
6. If needed, talk about the issue later after they have processed and calmed down – When appropriate give consequences that are related and reasonable. Make sure they know the consequence is for the behavior and not for having the emotion. For example, say “It’s ok to feel angry, but it’s not ok to throw your toy at your brother. Next time, the toy will go in time out the rest of the day.

In the example with my daughter, I didn’t do these steps perfectly and you won’t either. You don’t have to have the perfect Mary Poppins response. It’s ok! It’s all learning and you won’t get it right all the time. Give yourself grace and just pick up where you left off and keep moving forward. Do your best, God takes care of the rest!

Now it’s your turn! What emotions are a struggle for your child to manage right now? I’d love to know how to help you.