3 Ways to Teach Children Self-Control
There are lots of ways children lose self control. Losing control over their emotions, words, and thoughts are just some of the ways. Self-control is a lifelong challenge and it is important to teach children early.
In this post, I am going to share the three main ways to teach your children self control, including what the Bible says about self-control.
1. Teach your Children Self-Control – Be an Example
When it comes to self-control, more is caught than taught. Your children see how you manage your own emotions, words and actions. Self-control is really self discipline and making wise decisions. For example, choosing to eat fruits and veggies or a bag of chips?
God tells us to take the log out of own eye before we confront others about their shortcomings. So we need to evaluate our own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to self-control. We don’t need to be perfect (and won’t ever be) to teach our kids self-control, we just want to be aware of our own shortcomings so we approach our children with humbleness.
Take 10 minutes to journal the following questions:
- Where do you lack self-control?
- What areas do you show strength in self-control?
- In what situations do you most often lose self-control? Start taking notes and becoming aware of any patterns.
- What do you do when you lose self-control?
- What is one step you can take today to grow in this area? Examples: pray out loud, give yourself a time out, take a deep breath.
Take note of the areas where you lose self-control. What are the triggers and things that set you off? For example, when I am hungry and tired I lose self-control over my emotions way more. So I need to make sure I am not going too long without eating and getting enough sleep. If I have a day where I didn’t sleep well, it may be better for me to rest at home and avoid being out all day with my kids.
Also, pre-determine one small step you can take. For example, one step I take every time I get stressed out, is to stop and pray out loud. This is a great example for my kids to see WHAT to do when we lose self control and WHO we go to for help.
2. Teach your Children Self-Control – Teach God’s Word
The next impactful thing we can do to teach our children self-control is to read the Bible with our children and show them what God says about the subject.
Below are five lessons about self-control that you can share with your children. Use these as a starting point for conversations about self-control and continue to reinforce them as you see your children struggling.
4 Biblical Lessons about Self-Control
- God Gives us Self-Control
We all have a choice when it comes to making decisions. We can choose our attitudes, thoughts and actions. However, we do not have the strength in and of ourselves alone to change or transform our lives. That is something that only comes through the power and sanctification of the Holy Spirit. Release your struggles to God today, and fill yourself up with His Word and truth daily. Then you will begin to see the power of God at work in your life and He will increasingly give you a spirit of self-control.
…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Tim 1:7
2. Self Control Protects us
God gives us self-control for our own good. Self-control leads to good, wise choices in our lives. Children with good self-control tend to have more success with school, peers and relationships. Like a wall protects a city from intruders and enemies, self-control protects our lives from the enemy and our own self from temptations.
A man without self-control
is like a city broken into and left without walls.
Pro 25:28
3. Self-Control Glorifies God
The devil wants you to lose control and destroy you and your example to others. Say no to temptation and resist the devil. Controlling your desires glorifies and honors God. Making wise choices makes you attractive to the world and is a good testimony as a follower of Christ.
For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age…
Titus 2:11-12
4. Self-Control Helps you Grow in Godliness
Growth in self-control is a lifelong process. As you pass the tests of self control and surrender to God’s way vs. your own way you will continue to grow and mature into a more Christ-like image.
and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.
2 Pet 1:6-7
Teaching Children Self-Control – Loving Them
In all things we teach our children, we want to do it lovingly and with a purpose of building relationship with them. We don’t want to create a bunch of pharisees who follow all the rules, but their hearts and attitudes are not in the right place. So in all things you do with your children, do it in love.
When your children are consistently struggling with self-control, take time to talk with them and try to get to the root of the issue. Once they have calmed down, ask them why they acted out like they did. What were they feeling? You may be really surprised to find out their answer! Many times when I stop and try to get to the heart of my children, I find they are acting out because they want attention from me.
Read bible verses with them and pray with them. Do all this sincerely. Then when you see any positive growth in self-control let them know. Children are motivated by positive reinforcement.
Ask them for their thoughts on possible solutions. Strive for progress and growth, not perfection. Remember God’s love and grace and how he gently corrects and disciplines you.
When it comes to cultivating self-control in your children, focus on these three pillars of parenting, living by example, teaching God’s Word and loving/connecting with your child. You will bear fruit and blessing as you live by these principles.
